Masters of Diversion

A lot of conversations in my classroom go something like this:

Me: Johnny, why are you taking your shoes off?

Johnny: Look, Miss Laura!  Froggy! (Pointing to the calendar on the wall behind me.)

Children are masters of diversion.  They learn early at a young age that interactions are all about attention.  Sometimes this means pretending you don’t have their attention, other times it means drawing your attention away from them.

Frustrating?  You bet, but understanding the attention of other people is an important developmental milestone.  It is the foundation of perspective taking and empathy and will help your child grow into a socialized adult.

This doesn’t mean you need to let your kiddo run the show.  When you find yourself having a conversation like the one above, do not immediately acknowledge what they are trying to draw your attention to.  Ensure that you have your child’s attention then, gently but firmly, require acknowledgement of your statement/question/etc.  After the conversational exchange you started has finished, return to the child’s topic of conversation.  This shows them that you did hear them and that you are willing to let them lead a conversation, but only when they have followed the rules of polite conversation.

Good luck!

Feel free to comment on this post with questions or thoughts.

 

Simon Says, “Say ‘Shhhh!’”

No parent should rely on gimmicks to encourage appropriate behavior, but there are times when nothing else seems to work.  One of my favorites is Simon Says.

Try it: Next time your toddler/preschooler is running through the house, stop chasing him and start playing Simon Says with yourself.  It helps if there’s a sibling  you can rope into being an accomplice.  If your kids are anything like the little ones in my class, they will stop dead in their tracks.  Some of the best rampage stopping commands (in my experience) are Simon Says: clap your hands, pat your cheeks, touch your toes and say “shh!”

Simon Says doesn’t just stop a wild kiddo, it helps them learn too.  Playing in general teaches children to listen, self-regulate and mimic another person.  You can also work on more specific skills:

Identifying body parts – Simon says touch your knees! (For older kids use tougher parts like shins, eyelids or collar bone.)

Social-emotional development – Simon says make a happy/sad/angry face. Make sure you model it and give feedback.

Counting – Simon says clap 3 times.

Coordination- Simon says stand on your tip-toes. (Great for 2 year olds.)

 

Wardrobe Malfunctions

Having not written for a year, potential subjects abound.  The first that come to mind, however, happen to fall into the “pet peeves” category.

I get it.  It’s hard to dress a two year old.  The conversation usually involves a lot of  “Mommy I do!” and “No!”  and it takes tact and patience just to avoid total meltdown. I am also all for self-help skills.  By all means let your kiddo put on their shoes (which most of my 2 year olds can do!) pick out their outfit, etc.  But just like you give your child some guidance about what is acceptable, here are some ideas from someone who has to play with them all day.

1. When you are potty training, don’t send your child to school in a onesie and overalls (or skinny jeans).  Or do, but don’t complain when they get peed/pooped on and I put your kid in leggings and a t-shirt.  Have your child try to pull their pants down before you leave the house.  If they can’t do it, change.

2.  I know they are expensive, I know they don’t last long… but buy good quality, sturdy tennis shoes.  Yes, those little suede boots are ADORABLE.  They really are.  But she takes them off about 30 times a day, and they are a PAIN to get on.  The same goes for sandals, Uggs, Converses and anything that looks like a tie shoe that isn’t.  I’ve seen lots of boys’ shoes lately that have Velcro or a zipper down the side.  Just remember, when you pick your kid up – I have no idea how their feet got wrapped in duct tape.

3. White shirts, dresses, etc.  We play outside, use paint, markers, crayons and playdough.  I don’t care if you don’t care, just don’t complain when it looks more like tie-dye at 5 o’clock.

4.  Skirts.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: put something under them.  Leggings, shorts, or bloomers.  It keeps diapers from shifting or getting dirt in them (ouch!) and teaches older girls about privacy and their undergarments.

Have suggestions about what makes (or doesn’t make) a perfect play outfit?  Leave a comment!

 

Majoring in Mommy – I’m Back!

What have I been doing for the year my blog has been silent? I have been getting pooped on. No, really.

This past August I started working full time in a toddler room.  I have 10 kids between the ages of 2 and a half and 20 months. I have also been changing diapers.  Lots of diapers.

My husband and I worked out the math one night:

10 kids x (average of) 2 diaper changes per child = 20 diapers per day (100 per week)

40 weeks X 100 diapers/week = 4,000 diapers.

There you have it friends.  I may not have children, but I have a Master’s degree in Child Studies and I can change a Huggie in 10 seconds flat.

 

Biting Blues

Teething is finally over along with lots of crying and probably some fevers.  Yay!  There is a downside, however: with all those pearly whites your baby has acquired some powerful tools.  While chewing food and toys is fine, what do you do when his favorite thing to chomp on is his brother, his playmates, or you?  Biting is a perfectly normal child behavior, but it is obviously not acceptable.  To teach your little one to save it for his “O’s” check out the following tips.

There are two ways that every parent must handle biting.  First, they need to understand on a “‘big picture” level what the behavior means.  A child who is biting out of frustration requires a different approach than a child who is biting out of curiosity.  Once they’ve identified when and why a child is biting, they can address the specific cause by teaching alternatives (like saying “stop” or “no”), limiting group play before nap, etc.  For more information about dealing with some different causes of biting check out this tip sheet by The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning.

The second way that parents have to deal with biting is the “in the moment” response.  When your child has bitten someone, the experts at Zero to Three recommend the following steps:

1. Stay calm.  By thinking before you act you are modeling self control for your child and are less likely to regret something you say or do.

2.  Move the child away from the one who was bitten and say firmly, “Stop. No biting.  Biting hurts.”  This message must be short and clear so that young children with limited language and older children who are frustrated, angry, etc. can grasp it easily.

3.  Pay more attention to the child who was bitten.  This models empathy and makes it less likely that the child will bite to get attention.  Parenting 101: Negative attention is still attention.

4. When both children are calm and ready to play again, show the child who bit some strategies he or she can use in the future.  You can also discuss (with older children) why they bit and how much it can hurt other people’s feelings and bodies.  Make sure this is separated from the biting incident so that they are not getting attention at the time.

For more tips on handling biting visit Zero to Three here.  If your child’s biting seems too frequent and/or does not decrease over time, consult a child behavior specialist.  They can analyze your child’s behavior and help develop solutions specific for your family.

 

How old is your baby?

This is a quick reader poll so that I can target some of my posts.

 

Weird Science

In February a group of researchers published an study about the link between mixed-handedness and mental health problems in adolescents and children.  They found that children who were mixed-handed (as opposed to right- or left-handed alone) were more likely to show symptoms of ADHD and mental health issues 8 years later.

Why?  The authors of the study cite differences in brain chemistry and wiring between people who are mixed-handed and those who aren’t.  For more information check out the AAP News Website Article.

 

Tummy Time!

Most new moms have probably head the rule about “back to sleep”.  In the early 1990′s researchers found that putting infants to sleep on their backs reduced the risk of SIDS.  Since the national Back to Sleep campaign the incidence of SIDS in the US has decreased by 40%.

What often gets left out in a discussion of back sleeping  is the (literal) other side – “tummy to play”.

Tummy time has 2 main benefits.  First, it keeps your baby from developing that goofy looking flat spot on the back of their head.  While most flat spots or “plagiocephaly” will go away as the child spends more time sitting up, the American Academy of Pediatrics has noted an increased number of children with skull malformations.  Second, tummy time helps your baby develop muscles in her head, neck and core that she will need to roll, crawl, and sit later on.  A recent survey of occupational and physical therapists found an increased rate of motor delays in infants related to lack of tummy time.

Does your baby start screaming when you try to put her on her tummy?

You really can’t blame them – lying on your tummy and not being able to get up is frustrating at best.  It does not, however, change the fact that it is extremely important.  Try these tips to make tummy time more fun for both of you:

• Place favorite toys at different points in a circle around your baby.  This gives him something to look at and encourages him to use different sets of muscles.
• Lie on your back and put your baby on your tummy – she’ll try to push herself up to look at your face.
• Try to do tummy time when your baby is feeling quiet but alert.  To tired and he’ll won’t be in the mood, to active and he may get frustrated quickly.
• Put a rolled towel or other support under your baby’s shoulders to help her lift her head.
• Turn off the lights and shine a flashlight on the walls and ceiling – baby will be to intrigued to get mad!

The Academy of American Pediatrics recommends tummy time 3-5 times per day for increasing amounts of time (start with just a minute or two).  Babies should start having tummy time as soon as they come home from the hospital unless your pediatrician says otherwise.  Remember to always supervise your baby during tummy time.

For more information, check out these links:

http://www.aap.org/healthychildren/08fall/AskPediatrician.pdf

http://www.healthychildcare.org/pdf/SIDStummytime.pdf

http://www.apta.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home&TEMPLATE=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm&CONTENTID=50825

 

The Goal Post

Sorry, that was really a terrible pun but I couldn’t help myself.

Have you ever stopped to think about what your goals are (or will be) as a parent?  Most of us know without thinking too deeply about it that we want happy, healthy children who are able to interact well with their peers, regulate their own behavior and will (eventually) become a successful adult.

Now – how many of us have any sort of plan about how to achieve that?  If your idea of a plan is “be a good parent” you’re not alone.

Knowing what your goals are for your child is important because it helps develop a pattern of good parenting behaviors.  Parents who tend to focus on short term goals like “stop the screaming” or “make child eat broccoli” are more likely to use ineffective practices in other areas as well (i.e. harsh punishments and less explanation of punishment, rules, etc.)

The research says there are three kinds of “concerns” that guide our moment to moment interactions. (“Concerns” is psychologist for “mini-goals”.)  They are:

1. Self-oriented concerns (I’m tired, I need to cook dinner now, etc.)
2. Child-oriented concerns (Johnny wants to be picked up, Susy needs a bottle, etc.)
3. Socialization concerns (Socialization is psychologist for “teaching your child values”.

Guess which two should be focused on more (in general)?  Yup, 2 &3.  Research tells us that:

1. Effective parents place a “relatively strong” emphasis on the long term goal of teaching values.  Parents who have high expectations for moral and social behavior have children with better social and cognitive skills.
2. Parents who generally value child-oriented goals over self-oriented goals are more effective.
3. Effective parents are able to formulate goals that are age-appropriate.  (i.e.  Expecting your 13 month old to share willingly?  Not effective.)

Now, it is important to point out that there are no bad goals (short of wanting to hurt your child, yourself, etc.)  What determines how effective you are as a parent is how well you are able to decide what goals are important in what situations.  So, if mommy hasn’t slept in two days and Joey wants to play “Maybe later.” is always OK.  Just remember – whenever you choose your concerns over your child’s you are sending a message to them about when that response is appropriate.  So next time you want them to pick up toys and they say, “I’m too tired!” just smile and be glad that your children follow your lead.

 

I’m just like House M.D.

Well, not really.

Yesterday on the playground the children and I were sitting under the tree with cups of ice water.  After they were finished, they went to play.  One little girl ran about halfway across the playground and collapsed, screaming.  She hadn’t fallen and hadn’t been stung.  When I asked her where it hurt she said her leg but “on the inside”.  What was wrong?  My first thought was “Oh my God she has osteocarcinoma or something really awful!”  This little girl almost never cries yet she was inconsolable.  Then I realized that as long as she wasn’t standing on it, she was able to calm down.

It can be really scary for everyone involved the first time a child’s leg falls asleep.  It takes a level head (which I probably wouldn’t have had if it had been my child) to sit next to a screaming child and think through the possible explanations for their excruciating pain.  But… there it is.  Hopefully when you are around a child in the same situation you’ll magically remember this story and it will all make sense.