Discipline 101

Yesterday was a rough day at the child care center…

In an epic game of “good cop/bad cop” I was one of the only (if not the only) student worker (out of about 6) that was doing any disciplining.  Anyone who has ever been in that situation knows it is extremely frustrating.  I watched as two year-olds kicked them, jumped on them and tested their knowledge of the rules. (What made you think they could ride a truck down the slide?!)  About the only response was laughter.

For the record, it is possible to discipline kids while secretly thinking that naughty thing they did was super adorable.  Please, please, please – for the love of God – don’t let them know you think that!  Laughing when they run their friend over with a truck only means that they are going to do it again – and then be confused when I have them “sit and watch” instead of laughing.

So, dear fellow student workers and P.I.M.C.s (Parents it may Concern), here is my Discipline 101:

1. Know what the rules are.  Make sure they are reasonable, clear and consistent.

2. Have a procedure for when little Joey doesn’t follow the rules.  Here’s mine:

Step 1. Remind Joey that we don’t ride trucks down the slide and explain why.  For example, “Joey, please put your truck on the ground.  Your friends might get hurt if you have it on the jungle gym.”

Step 2. When Joey does it anyway, correct him.  Then, tell him what will happen if he does it again.  For example, I take Joey’s truck and put it on the ground for him and say, “Joey, if you put your truck on the slide again you will have to sit and watch.”

Step 3.  This is the hard one.  FOLLOW THROUGH.  For example, when Joey heads toward the slide again I quietly take his hand and have him sit somewhere for 2 minutes.  (1 minute for each year)  I sit with him but don’t talk to him.  When the time is almost up, I ask him if he knows why he had to sit and watch.  If he says he doesn’t, I have him think about it for about 30 seconds – they usually figure it out.

Step 4. Don’t over punish.  Having a child sit for too long does not teach the lesson extra well – it doesn’t teach it at all.  If there are clear rules, there should be clear punishments.

Look for AP Discipline at a later date.

 

Ending the Cycle of Spanking

Does this sound like you?

Why shouldn’t I spank my child? My parents used to spank me and I turned out fine!

Compare that statement to this one:

Not one day passed in my early life when I was not exposed to tobacco smoke. I was even exposed in the womb because my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me – and I turned out fine!

Think the two are totally different?  Consider this…

1. Twenty years ago, both were not questioned.
2. Breathing in tobacco smoke will probably not hurt you if you do it once, but it will have some effect.  Spanking once will not always lead to abuse or unhappy children, but just once can hurt your relationship or make your child think that hitting is ok.
3. Lots of research shows that tobacco smoke is bad for you.  Lots of research shows that spanking is not the best option.
4. It is hard to quit smoking – especially the longer you’ve done it.  Once you and your child have learned that spanking is the only way to discipline it gets hard to quit too.

 

Five Year Old Fashionistas – Meal Time Edition

I’ve often noticed that tricks that develop out of necessity in a group setting make life easier with one child too.  One of the many nuggets of wisdom I have picked up over three years at the child care center is about keeping kids clean at meal time.

For example, mealtime with 5+ infants/toddlers (also teenagers) can be extremely messy.  If you have a stash of old oversize t-shirts it’s easy!

Put one on before your child sits down and it will keep their clothes clean.

After they are done eating use a clean spot to wipe their hands and face. Think pre-rinse.

If you’re really in to it you can even turn it inside out and wipe the table off with it…

If you don’t have an older child to get hand-me-downs from just run over to a local thrift store and stock up!

 

Featured Children’s Author – Anna Dewdney

I was at the child care center on Friday and about 10 minutes before all the children went home I was asked to read a story.  The little girl handed me Llama Llama Mad at Mama.

What a fantastic book!  The illustrations (especially the baby llama’s facial expressions) are priceless.  I loved it so much that I went and bought it at Borders today.

Anna has a great website with lots of companion materials for kids.  In addition to two other “Llama Llama” books she has a cute one called Grumpy Gloria.

Check it out today!

 

Five Year Old Fashionistas/Help a teacher (and yourself) out! – Potty Training Edition

It’s amazing how many problems can be solved by wearing the right clothes.  Chances are you think about what you’ll be doing that day when you get dressed in the morning.  Doing something messy?  Old t-shirt.  Doing a lot of bending? No low cut shirts, definitely a belt.

The same thought process should apply when you are dressing your children.  Did it rain yesterday (will the playground be muddy)?  No white shorts.  Is Tuesday painting day?  Not the day for her favorite dress.

One thing that can get overlooked, even when you’ve thought about what type of clothes your child should wear, is how they fit.  This is especially important when your child is working on potty training.

Think about a time you had to go. I mean REALLY GO.  Now, imagine that you had on a belt and difficult button and the coordination of a 2 year old.  Would you have made it?

If you want to give your child the best chance at potty training success, dress them right.  Here are a couple tips:

1. Pull-up/pull-off bottoms (think elastic waistband).  Before you even buy them, have your child try pulling them up and down on their own.  If they can’t do it in the dressing room, they won’t be able to do it in the middle of a potty dance.

2. Don’t use too many layers!  I know I said in an earlier post that layering with leggings is a great idea, and it is – but not when potty training is in the works.

3. Don’t put their favorite clothes in the “back-up bag”.  Yes, I have seen children that will wet their pants for the sole purpose of changing into those Hannah Montana jeans.  Especially when potty training is almost over it may help to make those back-up clothes ones they would rather not wear.

 

Using the Right Resources

As much as I love Yahoo Answers and Wikipedia they are definitely not the best resource for curious parents.   It should be obvious why.  Just in case, here’s a list of things that you should expect from a resource:

-A useful resource should do more than sound good.  The fact that Billy Sunshine has been a motivational speaker for 10 years, and happens to be a father does not make him a reliable expert (although it may put him a step above wikipedia).  Any time you read an article, watch a show, hear a talk, etc. make sure you ask yourself why this person is qualified to say what they do.

-A useful resource is based on research.  You should have known this was coming.  When I said I was glad I would be forced to cite research, I wasn’t kidding.  Research is based on the idea that if you make a claim, you need some evidence to back it up.  Who can argue with that?

-The research used must be scientifically rigorous.  Think control groups, randomized trials, etc.  I’ll write a long and potentially boring post about all that one of these days.  I recommend reading it when that happens.

-Think about what the resources motives are.  Is it monetary?  Are they going to tell you what you want to hear in order to get more money?  There is no shortage of free, trustworthy information out there.  Is it political?  If you come across information on Think Tank A’s website, do you trust it?  Maybe, but you’ll need to be discerning.

Some examples of good resources (Thanks to my program director Vicki for pointing these out):

PBS Parents

Tufts Department of Child Development

 

Help A Teacher (And Yourself) Out – Label!

So instead of concentrating on the many, many pages of reading I have for class tomorrow I decided to share a quick belated help-a-teacher-out post.

Label you child’s things!! Please!

Everything from underwear to Chapstick to that extra pair of socks can and will get lost at preschool. This causes problems for everyone involved. You will have to buy another Spiderman watch/Hannah Montana t-shirt/stuffed animal. Chances are your child will be upset (“But those were my favorite white socks!”) and teachers have much more important things to do than figure out whose cubby spit out that friendship bracelet, whether Timmy or Jack left his underwear in the bathroom last week, etc.

You can either go with the traditional handwritten name on the tag or a more high tech approach using custom made labels. Either way, here are some tips to consider:

1. Come up with a unique way of labeling. Having a characteristic way of labeling will help when there are two Joe M.’s in the class.

2. Label a non-removable area. Tags can be cut out, ripped off, etc. If you think that an item might be tempting for itchy fingers, label the inside of the collar.

3. Label on the inside. Labeling on the outside/monogramming could give a child predator information to gain your child’s trust – their name.

While labeling may help with some of the confusion at school, make sure that it is not becoming a substitute for your child learning to be responsible for his/her belongings. If a labeled item turns up in the wrong place, consider having a “time out” for lost items at home.

 

Mastering in Mommy

I am happy to report that today was my first day of classes as a graduate student. My classmates all seem nice, and everyone has such varied interests that I’m sure to get exposure to a variety of content.

The professor explained that the focus of the course will be evaluating research in the area of child development and learning to see connections with and potential applications to real life problems. I’m hoping that getting back in the scholarly mind frame will have a positive impact on the way I write my posts in the future, especially since I have yet to provide evidence to support my claims.

Get ready for hard hitting, research informed blogging at its best.

 

How is your summer safety IQ?

As we become more aware of the dangers of accumulated sun exposure and intense heat it is important to consider how it all affects us as parents/educators .

For those of us who need to brush up on our sun safety, here are a few things you can do to keep your family healthy and happy this summer…

1. Avoid the sun at it’s highest point! Headed to the park or pool? Plan a trip for the morning or late afternoon – the sun won’t be as strong, and it will be cooler and less crowded too!

2. Drink lots of water! Kids need lots of water too, especially when they are active in the summer. Once again, practice what you preach and drink lots of H2O yourself. Consider matching family water bottles (you can personalize them with permanent markers or paint to tell them apart.) Making it fun will help a ton. (Think family water drinking competition, ice cubes with food coloring, etc.)

3. Last but not least, wear sunscreen! Like the song says, everyone is free to wear sunscreen. Even so, many of us (myself included) may forgo sun protection sometimes in favor of that nice summer glow. Putting aside the choices you make for yourself, protecting your children from sun damage is extremely important. Fortunately for you, by the time they are five (with a little practice) most children can learn to apply their own sunscreen. To help them out, choose a tear-free formula in an easy to squirt tube. Start by giving them a Hershey-kiss sized amount and having them rub it in before they get more.

One of the teachers I work with likes to have the kids start with their face and work their way down, I prefer the bottom up approach. That way, they don’t get a ton on their face (and in their eyes – ouch!).

Make sunscreen application a family habit so that you can model the right way to do it (and show that you think it’s important too!) Don’t forget the ears, nose and neck! (And reapply often.) Also, check the safety information for special instructions regarding children.

 

Help A Teacher Out (Late Edition)

Keeping Promises

We all know that keeping promises is important, right?  Most of us work hard to help our preschoolers understand the responsibility that comes with making promises.  We want our children and students to be reliable, loyal, dependable and many other traits that go along with following through on what we say we will do.

We also know the importance of practicing what we preach.  Or do we?  Too often parents, teachers or other role models forget that little eyes and ears are always open (except when they’re being asked to go to bed, clean up, etc.).  More than once, I have to try and explain why Daddy isn’t here yet even though he said he was coming at nap time/three/”early” and it is now significantly past that point.

I can think of lots of reasons why this happens.

1. You forgot. This happens to me a lot, but I came up with a simple solution: Admit that you are human.  That’s exactly what I did the first day each week of camp last summer.  I made sure to tell the campers that sometimes I forget things too.  I told them that if I promised we could see the elephants/go to the petting zoo/play in the sprinkler and we didn’t, they should remind me.  If you explain to your child that you make mistakes and that they can help you remember, they will show off a better memory than you knew they had.

2. You didn’t think THEY would remember.  There’s really no excuse for this one.  If you make a promise, you make a promise.  If you know you can’t or won’t follow through, please please, just grow a pair and explain the situation.  When the kids ask me to read Sleeping Beauty for the fifth time that day, I don’t say I’ll do it tomorrow or maybe later.  Tell them that you are tired of reading the same book.  I think that this teaches children to consider others and sets a good example by not making excuses.

3. You didn’t think they would really care.  Wrong answer.  Chances are, you said that you would do something because you knew it would make them happy (meaning THEY CARE).

The other problem with the whole situation is that kids hear everything.  Told the teacher you’d come early?  Don’t worry, Tommy heard it.  Told your spouse you would go get ice cream?  Yup, that too.  The best thing that you can possibly do is to talk to your child about your schedule and their schedule and be honest about your reasons when something doesn’t go according to plan.

So tonight, go ask your child if they think grown ups keep promises, and listen to what they say.  You’ll learn something…

I promise.